All Parts Are Welcome: Redefining Parenting Dynamics with IFS Therapy
For instance, a child’s outburst might be a protective part shielding them from feelings of shame or fear. By focusing on the intention behind the behavior rather than its surface expression, parents can connect more deeply with their children and foster healthier emotional development.
Preventing and Healing Wounds
IFS therapy offers a dual approach to parenting: prevention and healing.- Preventing Wounds: By addressing their own triggers and operating from a place of Self-energy, parents can avoid inadvertently wounding their children through harsh reactions or misaligned expectations.
- Healing Wounds: For children who have already experienced emotional wounds—whether from parental mistakes, external circumstances, or developmental challenges—IFS provides a framework for repair. Parents learn to take responsibility for their actions, model vulnerability through sincere apologies, and create space for their children’s feelings to be heard and validated.
Practical Tools for Everyday Parenting
IFS therapy is not just theoretical; it’s immensely practical. Here are some ways parents can incorporate its principles into daily life:- Use "A Part of Me" Language: Encourage both parents and children to identify their feelings as parts rather than their entire being. For example, saying, “A part of me feels angry” helps separate the emotion from the self, making it easier to address constructively.
- Pause and Regroup: When triggered, parents can practice stepping away to calm their internal system before re-engaging with their child. This ensures responses come from Self-energy rather than reactive parts.
- The Triggering Agreement: For co-parents, agree that the non-triggered parent will take over when one becomes reactive. This minimizes potential harm to the child and fosters a supportive partnership.
- Model Apologies: When parents lose their temper, they can repair the relationship by apologizing and taking responsibility for their behavior. This teaches children accountability and reinforces trust.
Parenting, as viewed through the lens of IFS, is not about perfection. It’s about presence—showing up for our children and ourselves with curiosity, compassion, and a willingness to grow. By embracing this journey, parents can transform not only their relationships with their children but also their relationship with themselves.
How to Incorporate Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) and Parenting
PLUS, you’ll have exclusive access to 5 Live Consultation Calls with Frank where you will have even more learning opportunities including more demos, live practice, and Q+A. You will end this intensive online course prepared to integrate the Internal Family Systems trauma model with your current clinical models — so you can help your clients find hope, growth, resilience, and recovery.
Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is both a psychiatrist and psychotherapist. He specializes in the treatment of trauma and dissociation and is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS model of therapy.
Dr. Anderson is a lead trainer at the IFS Institute with Richard Schwartz and maintains a long affiliation with, and trains for, Bessel van der Kolk’s Trauma Center. He serves as an advisor to the International Association of Trauma Professionals (IATP) and was the former chair and director of the Foundation for Self-Leadership.
Dr. Anderson has lectured extensively on the Neurobiology of PTSD and Dissociation and wrote the chapter “Who’s Taking What” Connecting Neuroscience, Psychopharmacology and Internal Family Systems for Trauma in Internal Family Systems Therapy – New Dimensions. He co-authored a chapter on What IFS Brings to Trauma Treatment in Innovations and Elaborations in Internal Family Systems Therapy, and recently co-authored Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual.
His most recent book, entitled Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex PTSD with Internal Family Systems was released on May 19, 2021.
His memoir, To Be Loved, was released on May 7, 2024.
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Dr. Frank Anderson maintains a private practice. He is the Executive Director of the Foundation for Self Leadership and has employment relationships with The Trauma Center and The Center for Self Leadership. Dr. Anderson receives royalties as a published author. He receives a speaking honorarium, recording, and book royalties from PESI, Inc. He has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Dr. Frank Anderson is a member of the New England Society Studying Trauma and Dissociation and the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation.
