All Parts are Welcome
On this particular occasion, however, his suicidal part showed up and it wasn’t so easy for me to hold this perspective and to remain open and curious toward the part (qualities that are consistent with what IFS calls “Self-energy”). Tom was talking about how his wife and daughter are inseparable. How they’re in constant contact by texting or calling each other several times a day. How they often go out to dinner together and recently they even planned a vacation together during a time when he would be out of town on a business trip. Tom felt totally excluded. I knew this would trigger some of his family-of-origin issues, particularly with regard to his younger sister who was born with special needs and took much of his parents’ time, energy and attention, often leaving him feeling alone and unwanted.
It was obvious that Tom’s suicidal part was escalating. In retrospect, I see that I had left the IFS frame that all parts are welcome when I tried to point out to him why his wife and daughter had become so close to each other. I reminded him what Sue and Jenna had shared with us in a previous family session: that they are so close because they needed to band together when his drinking got so out of control a few years ago. I tried to soften things a bit by pointing out how it was better now after he promised to drink only once per week. I wasn’t interested and curious to learn more from the part, I was trying to explain things to it and convince it not to feel so bad. “See, no matter what I do, they still hate me and I can’t believe that they’re planning a trip without me,” he said. “I’m done.” Tom abruptly got up and left the session, slamming the door behind him.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I wasn’t sure what my next move should be or what Tom’s suicidal part might do.
When a part gets intense like this and is unwilling to separate from the client, we typically move into a technique called “Direct Access.” Here the therapist talks directly to the client’s part, learning from it first-hand why its position is so important at that particular moment.
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Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is both a psychiatrist and psychotherapist. He specializes in the treatment of trauma and dissociation and is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS model of therapy.
Dr. Anderson is a lead trainer at the IFS Institute with Richard Schwartz and maintains a long affiliation with, and trains for, Bessel van der Kolk’s Trauma Center. He serves as an advisor to the International Association of Trauma Professionals (IATP) and was the former chair and director of the Foundation for Self-Leadership.
Dr. Anderson has lectured extensively on the Neurobiology of PTSD and Dissociation and wrote the chapter “Who’s Taking What” Connecting Neuroscience, Psychopharmacology and Internal Family Systems for Trauma in Internal Family Systems Therapy – New Dimensions. He co-authored a chapter on What IFS Brings to Trauma Treatment in Innovations and Elaborations in Internal Family Systems Therapy, and recently co-authored Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual.
His most recent book, entitled Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex PTSD with Internal Family Systems was released on May 19, 2021.
His memoir, To Be Loved, was released on May 7, 2024.
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Dr. Frank Anderson maintains a private practice. He is the Executive Director of the Foundation for Self Leadership and has employment relationships with The Trauma Center and The Center for Self Leadership. Dr. Anderson receives royalties as a published author. He receives a speaking honorarium, recording, and book royalties from PESI, Inc. He has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Dr. Frank Anderson is a member of the New England Society Studying Trauma and Dissociation and the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation.
